I thought the hardest part of hosting my husband’s boss with only three hours’ notice would be getting dinner on the table. Instead, I found myself sitting across from Nathan and his coworkers while realizing they seemed to know more about my husband’s future than I did. Nathan had invited his boss, Mr. Bennett, and three colleagues without really asking me, and by the time they arrived, I had changed into my best violet dress and prepared a full meal. Nathan barely ate and kept checking his phone, which immediately made me uneasy. Then Mr. Bennett raised his glass and suggested they celebrate, only to freeze when I asked what they were celebrating. “So you don’t know yet?” he asked Nathan. The answer left me stunned: Nathan had accepted a three-month assignment in Seattle nearly three weeks earlier, and he had never told me.
Things became even more uncomfortable when Susan, a coworker I had always felt was unusually close to Nathan, revealed she was going to Seattle too. Then she casually mentioned that their company housing placed them in the same building and even referred to an extension that could keep Nathan there for six months. Later, I discovered he had also discussed the possibility of a permanent leadership position with his boss. I confronted him, expecting the real problem to be Susan, but the truth was more painful. Nathan admitted he wanted to experience Seattle before involving me in the decision. He had even discussed our marriage and my mother with Susan, including the fact that I once wanted us to move closer to my mother after my father died—a request Nathan had rejected because of his career. I finally told him the issue wasn’t whether he went to Seattle; it was that he had decided he deserved to figure out his future before I had a voice in it. Two weeks later, he left for Seattle, but months afterward, when his boss offered him a permanent role, Nathan called me before answering. “I told him I needed to talk to my wife first,” he said. It didn’t erase the betrayal, but for the first time, his actions showed he understood what marriage was supposed to mean.